Rebecca’s Journey - Becoming an Angel

I am Source’s Pink Angel, but that is not who I was when this story begins…

Please forgive me as I am getting ahead of myself. Where does this story begin? It could be fifty years ago when I was born or when, as a three-year-old, I started doubting who I was; it could be when I became a mum, broke my own heart, or got divorced. But this story, or at least this chapter, began on Christmas Day, 2021.

It was the end of a tough year. Having worked through the final stages of separation, we had sold the family home and moved into a beautiful but temporary farmhouse. Our time there was a gift and a miracle. I have three boys; the two eldest are teenagers, and the years of separation have been hard for them, too. Much had changed in their world; there had been a significant shift in the family dynamic. In the post-COVID world, they lived half their lives with me and half with their dad. This was their first Christmas with just me and our first in a new home. 

A year into the pandemic, we were back in a winter lockdown in the UK, which meant we were on our own for the day. I was nervous about creating a Christmas for my children that would be special, that they would enjoy, and that would distract them from all the changes they had seen that year. And as I did often then, I tried. I tried hard to create the perfect day, perhaps too hard. The boys had woken up early, ripped all the wrapping from their presents, and were done opening everything before ten in the morning. We had a whole day stretching ahead of us. Some hours later, I sat alone at the table with the barely eaten Christmas dinner and all the trimmings. It had not gone well, no matter how hard I had tried.

I retreated to my room and sat on my bed. Amongst some other things on my bedside cabinet, there was a book, a thick black book with a large white exclamation mark on the front. I reached over and picked it up. I bought the book some weeks ago. As I sat there feeling sorry for myself, I looked at this book and thought, “I don’t know what else I can do now, so I’m going to read this book.”

The Invitation: 

Rather than endorsements, there is an invitation from Steve on the back cover. I share these words, with the same invitation for you for this chapter and this story. Read this about you and create your own remarkable experience as I share mine.

“Please do not read this book about me. Read this book about you. Read it about being. And as you read, ask yourself, who would I need to be to be a more loving person? Who would I need to be to be a more effective parent? Who would I need to be to create a remarkable level of confidence? Who would I need to be to be at peace with who I am? Who would I need to be to be fully in love with myself and my life? Who would I need to be to live the most extraordinary life possible? I promise you that if you read this book with the intention of expanding your state of being, you will do exactly that. Your experience will be remarkable. Who you are being is everything.”

I read that, and I read the first few pages. I read, and I read, and as I turned the pages, more and more of the words resonated with me. My subconscious accepted Steve’s invitation; I was reading it about me. I was allowing my thinking to expand. Who I was being was changing. I read about Steve as a coach and how people experienced him and heard a voice in my head, saying, “Wow, I think that's who I am.” Then my little voice said, “No, this is Steve Hardison, he's The Ultimate Coach. Who are you to believe that you're anything like him?” This is a voice I am more familiar with. It doubts me; it may be little, but it is loud and overbearing. It doesn’t want me to believe what I was reading could be about me. That voice would like to keep me small. But I kept reading, and something else became possible; I stayed with the intention Steve had invited me to. Who I was being began to shift.

Life carried on, Christmas was over, and a new year began. And who I was becoming made a crazy decision—I would go to Phoenix, I would meet Steve, and I would create this extraordinary experience. I would be the person who would invest in this life-changing gift for me. This was different; this was a seismic shift in thinking. This was stretching my comfort zone. I didn’t do things like this; I wasn’t an international jet setter with the time, money, or freedom to nip across the Atlantic for a meeting!

But I didn’t let that stop me. From the book, I learned about creating the I am document, a declaration of who I will be. The document creates a powerful shift from “This is just who I am” to This is who I will be. I was working on my document with my coaches at the time. In the coaching school, I was in, I committed to create myself with my I Am document daily and put £10 into a savings pot each day for a ‘Be With’ session with Steve. If you want to work with Steve, as I learned from the book, you go to him! A ‘Be With’ session with Steve costs $10,000. I declared I would be the person who went to Phoenix, Arizona. I would be one of the people who could share this experience in a future book! (Look how powerfully I created that!)

The truth is, the familiar voice in my head didn't quite believe this could happen. This was a huge sum of money and flying across the world to spend two hours with a coach, even the ultimate coach, seemed, at times, nothing short of ridiculous. And yet, this was the beginning of the experience I was creating and my work with Steve. A black hole was created by declaring my intention and making the commitment, and everything pulled towards it. Synchronicities and miracles started happening and the money I invested in my savings pot grew. And as it did, so too did my commitment. I was creating powerfully in my coaching practice and increased what I put away each day to £50.

Commitment and Challenges Along the Way

As time passed, I showed up in my life, looking after my children, coaching my clients, and building my business. We had to move to a new house again, and the following months were possibly the hardest I've known. With a new awareness of who I was being, I was questioning more and more in my life, and I didn't always like the answers. The voice that made me doubt I could ever be the person I wanted to be was getting louder. I kept showing up for everyone else, helping the people I coach, helping them to see beyond their judgments and beliefs, and yet I was struggling to do this for myself. My thinking was creating a lot of scarcity and separation in my life. The lack of a permanent home fears about my relationships with my children and fears about my new financial independence and responsibilities. Instead of trying to shut it out, I listened. I heard how deeply I was hurting. I heard the fear. I listened as I felt how much I had lost. I heard how I needed to heal, forgive, and let go. I heard just how vulnerable that voice was and that part of this journey was to let her be heard.

As I allowed myself to be with this vulnerable part of me, I realised I had saved all the money I needed to complete my declaration. The pot was full. I could go to Phoenix, Arizona! This extraordinary adventure could happen. The first thing I thought was, “Who am I to think I can do that? Who am I to go and spend that money?” I was then at our cottage in Wales with my boys and friends. I went for a walk to think. In the local town, many shops had shut down due to the pandemic, in one of the empty shop windows, pinned up was a piece of paper. On it was an exclamation mark, hand drawn and exactly like the one on the book's cover. I didn’t know why it was there, but what I did know was that this was my sign. I was going to Phoenix and would be with The Ultimate Coach.

I sent a message to Steve and read his reply. I wired the money. On the 29th of November 2022, my phone rang. It was Steve, and the nerves kicked in. “I can't speak to him; I can't take this call,” I thought. And reality kicked in! “Hang on a second, you are planning to fly across the world to see him, so you better pick up the phone.” We spoke, and he asked me when I wanted to come. My conscious mind was keen to push it as far away into the future as I could, knowing that in the commitment I was making to be there, everything would be different, I would be different. And I guess I already was as I heard myself saying, “How would the end of January be for you?”

The call ended, and I had a date: 10:00 AM on 30 January 2023, in the office at his home in Mesa, Phoenix, Arizona, with Steve Hardison, The Ultimate Coach!

The rest of the year felt like the universe was making sure I would go and get what I went for! There was heartbreak, health problems, family issues, money challenges and more! And yet, a part of me was beginning to believe that this would all be okay. The work had begun, and the black hole was pulling me in. The commitment carrying me forward and the end of January arrived before I knew it. I was as nervous as I was excited, this was unlike anything I had ever done before. I was going alone; it wasn’t a holiday package, and no one was waiting for me at the other end. This was a whole new experience, a journey, a pilgrimage. I knew that something quite incredible would happen when I was there.

We had been in contact in the lead-up to my session. Steve had sent me things to read, and I had been sharing what I knew I wanted to talk to him about—breadcrumbs I needed him to follow. I needed that trail. I didn't want to go and not do the work I knew I needed to do. I was letting him know where I needed to go. I was already creating who I needed to be. 

Meeting Steve Hardison: The Ultimate Coach

The day finally came, and I arrived safely in Arizona. Everything went perfectly. I stayed at the most wonderful hotel and met the most incredible people. Everybody on that journey was wonderful, warm and loving. I stayed for a week, and in addition to my time with Steve, I travelled to the Grand Canyon and created memories that will stay with me forever.

As for Steve Hardison, I could write forever about my time with him. Everything I'd read in the book is how it was. I was not disappointed. And why? Because that is how I had created it to be. That is who I was being. It wasn’t just Steve who made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. When I arrived at his home in Mesa, the flag was flying for me. Everything was as I had created it, from reading the book about me. It was like I was the leading character in my favourite film, which I watched repeatedly. We met on the porch, where I had been waiting. I was early. Steve welcomed me; he was dressed intentionally in pink for me. We chatted as Steve showed me around his beautiful home. His whole life, his home, and his family are a creation of the work that he has done over the last thirty years. He showed me the gifts people had given him, the pictures, where they were in his home, why they were there, and all the extraordinary stories behind them. Steve was already creating powerfully for me. He showed me there was no separation in his life, what he does, who he is, and who he is being.

From here, we went out into the garden, and to the 1111 wall. I had read all about this, in the book and the diary of the artist Steve had commissioned to create this. Underneath the stunning series of art along the wall are all the ‘I am’ statements of Steve’s clients and family. One of the pieces is a Phoenix, rising from the flames, which was very much a theme of my journey. Not just as I was here in Phoenix, this was a rebirth for me. I could feel it in all the stories and the other ‘I am’ statements behind the paintings. We walked around the garden; in everything he shared, there was an intention, a meaning that he was carefully choosing to land with me. I was present at it all. Soaking up all of it. My name was on a pillar at the bottom of the garden, amongst others who had been here with Steve. There was mine in black paint. I was here.

We walked to his office, the office is where the magic happens. I feel it as soon as Steve opens the door and invites me in. I feel the power, the energy, all the work that's gone on in there. I feel all the possibilities that have been created, the lives that have been changed. I know from the stories in the book, the gifts from his clients. From the pictures on the walls, a sailboat on the window and the trainers cast in bronze. And now here I am. I sit on the sofa opposite to Steve in ‘the office’. It is so hard to put into words being there and what happened in the following two hours. It felt like forever and was over too soon. I could have said that I had never felt such love or such a presence as I did in that room, that wouldn’t quite be true. I have felt something like this before. With my dad, when he held my hand on his last night on this earth and in the chapel of rest when I sat with him after he passed away. Pure love, unconditional and unfamiliar.

Steve said, “Where do you want to start? What do you want to create here today?”

I replied, “I want to create something different for myself. I want to create a different story. I want to create a different me from the one I have, the one in my head, and what I feel in my heart. I want peace. I want to come home. I want to be me.” 

Steve listened and said, “You know what? I don't normally do this work in a ‘Be With’ session. It's normally done over a few weeks, but you're here, and you're ready, and we are going to go here.” And we did. I kept eye contact with Steve. I wanted that connection. I created it that way. I was not letting myself off the hook or leaving without going as deep as I needed.

Steve asked me to write down all the things I believed about myself. He made me really go there, to that place in my head. All those things I say to myself. I wrote them all down, and they poured out of me. All the unkind and horrible things. I won’t even begin to tell you the words that were on that page. I can't share them. I wouldn't write them about anybody else, and I was sitting there writing about myself. 

There was no judgment from Steve. Only love, deep listening and compassion. We spent time with what I had written. Line by line he helped me create something else. Steve kept inviting me by asking, “What else is possible, and what else? And what could be truer? What could be the biggest version of that?” We took what I said and together created something different from it, we created who I am. We created from an intention of love and my commitment to be in the room. To do the work, to create a new version of myself. A truer version. A declaration of who I be.

Changing Beliefs

We changed those beliefs I had about myself into something full of love. In that moment, I felt everything shift, and I didn't believe those statements I'd written down anymore. I believed in what I was creating instead. I dropped all those judgments I had about myself. 

Steve told me, “I don't think you've ever really forgiven yourself. I don't think you've ever really forgiven your judgments on yourself. I don't think you've ever really loved yourself until now.” And then in that moment, I did.

I sat with Steve’s wife, Amy, when we left the office. Amy is an angel; she is pure love. As she held my hand, Steve said, “Share with Amy what you came into the room with, those statements that you said, and then share with her what we've created today.” I found it incredibly hard to speak the words on my original list. I thought this was because I was with Amy, with an angel, and then I realized that was true. I was, and that angel was me. I am Source’s Pink Angel, and those things I wrote down were not who I am. 

Amy said, “I don’t know any God who would see you that way.” I cried. I chose not to see myself that way, either. 

Before we had left the office, Steve spoke about how we are the projector, we run the film or who we are, and we project it out into the world. We get to choose what film reel we project. We are not who we have become. We are who we choose to be.

Before I knew it, my time with Steve was over. I went back to my hotel room, and I slept for hours. I was exhausted, utterly exhausted. I had let go of beliefs I had held for years; just like the Phoenix, I had risen from the ashes to rise again. I woke and everything was different. I was different. Nothing would be the same again. I spent the following hours alone, there was a deep peace and a presence with myself, my new self. There was unconditional love.

I feel that peace now. Life happens. And it will never be the same. I am not the same. I have risen again, and again in this extraordinary life I get to live. Everything is elevated. I am elevated. Who I am will never be the same again. I have risen to where I am and become who I want to be, soaring high.

I am no different from you, and we all have the power to do this for ourselves. We are always creating our world from who we believe we are and who we are being. If we are scared and fearful and separated and worried, then that's what we will create in our lives. If we elevate who we are, change those old beliefs, and replace them with love, compassion, hope, and possibility, that’s what we will create in our world.

I see how much I have created in my mind on my film reel. The film shows how I was not enough and didn’t believe in myself or forgive myself. That was my story. It isn’t anymore. This is who I am. This is my declaration.

The Declaration:

I am Source's Pink Angel. I am divinity. I am infinite. I am everything heavenly. I am the universe, and the universe is me. I am love. I am the storm, a cyclone of love, and love is created from all I am. I am the Lioness by my side. I am unique. I am extraordinary. I am becoming more and more alive in every moment I live. I am perfectly imperfect and imperfectly perfect. I am kind and compassionate. I am living in the power of possibility. I am practising my conscious living intentions daily and transforming my life. I am worth all I desire. I am brave enough to always come back to hope and possibility. I am a strong and energetic force of change and transformation for others. I am in action with being as much as with doing. I am learning to slow down. I am willing to allow all my thoughts, emotions and feelings. I am loving, curious and generous with all of me. The light, the dark and the messy.

I am the wise woman my inner child needs when she is wild and free or seeking comfort and safety. I am the inner child when my wise woman needs fun, joy and play.  I am creating a flow of abundance and wealth that I share in the world. I am strong. I am vulnerable. I am all the worth I will ever be. I am without judgments of myself or others and forgive myself and others for any judgments we have. I am learning that acceptance brings renewed energy and vitality to my life experience. 

I trust life. Life is kind. Life is for me. I meet love and life with playful inquiry and innocent curiosity to be with what is emerging within and around me.I love my fierce protector and know that there is no pain too great that my heart cannot meet. The more I enjoy my experience in the world, and as it manifests, the more my agency and potential grow. I create hot pink ripples in the world that sparkle and shine.

 I am creating the life I love to live. I am becoming who I need to be. I am being me.

My declaration is long, and the perfectionist in me would have me cut it back. I am perfectly imperfect, so I let it be. I carried on writing and let it flow. This is a declaration of who I am, and it will be exactly as I created it to be.

Just as I committed to my journey to Phoenix, my time with Steve was extraordinary. I get to commit to this experience changing everything, and it has. I get to commit to elevating my life by creating who I am. 

It’s not a silver bullet. The film continues, and I get to run the reel every day. I get to forgive myself every day when I am not all of who I am. I get to work through the questions, what else is possible, and what else and what if something else were true. It’s powerful. It’s life-changing. I get to be my declaration and create an extraordinary life every day for the next fifty years.

And so can you if you have read this about yourself. You get to declare who you are going to be. You get to run your film reel and project that into the world. You get to create who you are. You get to create your life.