Healing Your Self Belief in Midlife

I know this to be true from my own personal experience when I hit rock bottom. 

Despite having a generally optimistic outlook and a resilient nature, I really didn’t believe that happiness, or anything close to it, would ever be possible for me again. I had written myself off entirely, and I doubted my worth in so many areas of my life. I didn’t think I deserved love, a fulfilling career, or even the thrilling experiences and adventures that had once excited me. My world had shrunk, and I felt lost and alone in a mess of unfulfilled plans.

The main catalyst for this feeling was the sudden and unexpected breakdown of my marriage. What was once a huge part of my identity felt like it had been torn away overnight, leaving me questioning everything I thought I knew about myself and my future.

The grief was immense, yes, but there was also a deep sense of abandonment that made it difficult to trust not only others but myself, too. I struggled to define who I was without that relationship, and every day felt like a battle to reconnect with the person I used to be. 

Plus, I had the added pressure of other Midlife challenges; my mum had fallen ill with a terminal illness, my business had imploded during lockdown, and I had teenagers who I was now adjusting to raise on my own, one of whom is neuro different. All of this deepened my sense of disorientation. My life was colliding with this enormous storm of stress, and my usually optimistic nature didn’t seem strong enough to carry me through.

So, how did I turn it around? How did I move from that place of despair to where I am now, happy and full of hope and purpose?

My first step was to permit myself to heal, and I reached out for support. 

I was no stranger to asking for help as I had worked hard over the years to overcome an adverse childhood experience. So, with the help of my coach and skilled hypnotherapist, I started to take deliberate steps to restore my sense of balance. 

The initial focus was on reducing the stress that had become an overwhelming presence in my life. Once I felt the weight of that lift, I could start piecing my life back together slowly but surely and explore who I was now outside the construct of marriage and other identities that I had attached myself to.

What became clear during this process was that I was still in control. I could still shape my life, even after it felt like it had been completely turned upside down. This wasn’t just about surviving anymore; it was about thriving again. I began to believe, little by little, that I could trust in the possibility of love again one day. I could envision building a career that aligned with my passions and values. I could travel, learn new things, and dive into experiences that once seemed out of reach.

But here's the truth: the hardest part wasn’t the logistics or even the steps toward rebuilding; it was believing I deserved it. That I was worthy of the things that I longed for again. Self-doubt was a powerful force, and after everything I had gone through, it seemed like it would be impossible to overcome. But then I reminded myself of who I had been before - the woman who’d confidently chased after her dreams in the past and who was fearless in the face of challenges. I realized she wasn’t gone; she was still there, just buried under the mess of failed plans.

So, I made it my mission to restore my self-belief!

It didn’t happen overnight, but I found it again with time, effort, and the right mindset. I remembered my strength and reminded myself that I was capable of so much more than I had given myself credit for. I started to rebuild my life and self-esteem, piece by piece.

And now, when I look back at the woman I was five years ago, the one standing at that crossroads in Midlife, feeling completely lost and overwhelmed, I hardly recognize her. 
But what I do recognise is the resilience she had. The curiosity and stubbornness to keep pushing forward, even when it felt impossible, because the challenges were relentless. 
I am so incredibly grateful to her for not giving up and for hanging on to the belief that there had to be more to life than the pain she was living with. And in the end, she was right.

Today, I’m living a life I once only dreamed of. A life where joy and fulfilment are within reach, love is possible again, and career goals are no longer just a fantasy. I have learned to believe in myself again, which is a gift I will never take for granted.

This is the essence of my work today. I’ve taken my struggles and turned them into a passion for helping others navigate their midlife challenges. I understand what it’s like to feel lost and know the power of reclaiming your life. I now work with others to teach them stress management strategies and guide them toward the belief that they, too, can create a life they are proud of, which brings happiness, fulfilment, and the excitement of new possibilities.

Life may throw you curveballs, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck with your choices that haven’t gone to plan. 

You can start again and make new choices, and I’m here to guide you and to show you just how possible that is. You have the power to believe in yourself again and to build the life you’ve always wanted, a life that makes you happy.